You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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