omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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