Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just gift wrapped bread.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
