I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
