YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
