Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
