Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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