Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
