yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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