Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
