but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
