Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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