I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize