I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
