so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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