I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
