is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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