Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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