I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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