he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
