eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
