Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
