Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
