I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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