You really coming over, don't trick.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
