I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh god it's open bar.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
