I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
