Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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