I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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