I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
