Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize