i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
