I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
