Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
