they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
