I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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