A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize