My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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