watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
