im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize