WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
