I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
