They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
