Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
