Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
