when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
