Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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