weddingsv make me drug and hornr
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
