My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
