If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
