I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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