ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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