Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize