I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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