I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
