I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just want to make out with him forever
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
