Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
