so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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