I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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