You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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