The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
