Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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