she was so not down for the gang bang
from now on my penis is your penis
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
its not stalking. its research.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
