if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
