I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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