Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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