I can text with my tongue
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
