Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
