Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
