How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
