I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Mom said you looked used
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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